Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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