Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
