Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
