My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
