I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
