Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
