We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
soo... how was my night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
