I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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