I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
