I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
