4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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