Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
