Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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