he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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