it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize