At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
