and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
