On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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