hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
