Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
