Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
