The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
