the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
