This house was built for laser tag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
