I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
