he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
