Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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