Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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