Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
