i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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