Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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