you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
where are my eyebrows?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
