another moral hangover. fuck.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
