The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize