she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Randomize
