Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
