Please, let me fuck your mom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I will be naked everywhere
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
