I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
