I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
