I need to stop coming to work sober
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize