i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
