Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
