I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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