I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize