went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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