Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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