ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
