There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
