My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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