Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I deserve this hangover.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
