take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
