Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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