she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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