Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
