so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
