honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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