Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
