I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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