Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize