He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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