i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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