By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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