there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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