I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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