imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
