I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
