Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
