I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
