Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
