Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
