fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
