a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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