Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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