check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
